Love Yourself

Ladies and gents,
We cannot spend all of our time on this blog with unpleasant subjects.  So here is a little inspiration.  This is a short poem I had written a couple years ago.  Hopefully, it'll get you through your day when you are feeling the doldrums.  Let's stand up and celebrate womanhood!


LADIES...CHOOSE YOUR MEN WISELY:

If he is a liar, he cannot inspire...your truth.
If he cannot speak the words of love and put your heart above...his own.
If he sees only himself and his needs, he will never bleed...for you.
If he cannot see your beauty, it is not your duty to stand purposely in his line of vision...
for it is time to move on from that blind, soul-less man and get a real man who can...LOVE YOU. - Charlotte Cox

Signs Must Be Read With Caution

We see signs everyday - a red light is a sign for us to stop while other vehicles are crossing and flashing school bus lights signal us to stop for children exiting the school bus, but when do we stop to heed the signs of domestic violence?  Are the signs of domestic violence as clear as the signs we see in our every day lives?
Often we brush off the early signs of domestic violence.  We think the person has only had a bad day or we justify some reason in our minds for their belittling actions.  One of the best pieces of advice I can give is to trust your gut instinct.  If something feels wrong, it probably is wrong.  The gift of instinct is there for a reason.  You have to trust your instincts and don't let your mind rationalize someone else's bad behavior.

 In my senior year of high school, signs were beginning to appear, but all I seen was the glorious possibilities of young love and it crumbled my instincts. Many times he would blame his parents for his internal anger, saying they imposed the "middle child syndrome" on him and treated him differently than his brother or sister. I bought his story.  He said he was the black sheep of his family.  Looking back, one of the first signs for me was him wanting me to give him my undivided attention.  Little by little, I was spending less time with my high school friends as he was demanding so much of my time.  My part time job as a waitress in my hometown diner was beginning to suffer as he was always their waiting for me in the parking lot.  However, that is not what I saw. I saw someone who wanted to be around me constantly because they loved me, cared for me, and needed me.  I thought I had the power to heal this person's injured soul.

Read the signs of domestic violence with caution.  There are many signs, but I wanted to include a few of the most common.  Here they are:

1. Jealousy - abuser is jealous of who the victim talks to or associates with.
2. Blame - abuser will blame others for his problems and takes no responsibility himself.
3. Dual Personality - abuser can be loving and caring and then suddenly become moody and angry.
4. Isolation - abuser eventually isolates the victim from his or her family and friends.

MY INTRODUCTION

Domestic violence - the words alone bring about many different types of emotions - fear, shame, doubt, loneliness, dread, depression, just to mention a few.  Amazingly, these words are associated with the victim of domestic violence.  Heck, the abuser is feeling all the power and control, feeling like he or she is on top of the world that they have the ability to bring someone to their knees with just one evil glance.  In reality, the abusers are the weakest individuals and they want to prevent the victim from regaining their own power.

Even if we are raised with parent(s) who encourage and teach us to be strong and stand up for ourselves, it is not impossible to fall into the cycle of domestic violence.  As any man or woman enters into a normal relationship, no one does so looking for a controlling person.  Many times we hear someone say "I would never be with someone like that" or "why do they stay with that person?" or "why don't they just get up and leave?".  Those are legitimate questions.  However, there is no easy answer for them.  The cycle of domestic violence is complex.

As I recall my experience with domestic violence throughout the late 80's and much of the 90's, it is much easier to look back and see why I stayed and understand why it took me so long to get myself out.  The reason why I am writing this blog is to help others who are caught in this hindering cycle we call domestic violence.  Hopefully, as I relay my own experiences, it will help someone find the courage and strength within themselves to end that cycle.