Abolitionists - Saving One Child at a Time

A few days ago, I went to see a documentary on human trafficking called "The Abolitionists".  It was about a group of men and women who travel the world saving children from human trafficking.  They do brave work freeing these children.  The amount of work that goes into these sting operations to set these traffickers up requires much time and diligent planning.  Sometimes the plan falls apart as was the case on one occasion during the documentary.  Other sting operations resulted in multiple arrests (which left the movie audience cheering).

It was appalling seeing grown men talk about children (ages 8-16) as if they were pieces of meat, describing sex acts they would perform that some grown folks would even cringe at.  Even as some of the trafficking victims were talking during the documentary, some would refuse to show their faces for fear of retribution and the feeling of shame.  One fourteen year old victim was placed into sex trafficking by her mother who just happened to be a prostitute on the streets herself.  Some were kidnapped off the street or duped by someone promising them money and a better life.  The stories and heartbreak was endless.  During the documentary, one lady in Haiti was selling children straight out of the orphanage she was running.  Many of these children were left homeless as orphans after the earthquake that took place in Haiti.  She is despicable and justice was finally served to her.  How does one devalue the life of a child so heartlessly?  Is money the ultimate prize over morality?

It just goes to show you the moral decline in society. The work of the abolitionists probably won't be able to save every single child from human trafficking, but they continue to save one child at a time.  I cannot state how important their work has become over the years.  Human trafficking is happening at an alarming rate - possibly in our own communities.  We need to take a stand in our own communities. If you notice someone suspicious, don't be afraid to notify authorities.  Get involved in a local group.  At the very least, be aware of those around you.  Stand up for the children of the world; sometimes their voices are not heard.

If you or someone you know needs help to escape human trafficking or to report a tip call the National Human Trafficking Resource Center hotline at 1-888-373-7888 

Children Have Eyes and Ears Too

For too many children, home is a place of conflict among grown-ups. Sometimes children get caught up in the violence and are physically harmed. Other times, children are emotionally scarred by witnessing domestic violence.  It is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to hide domestic violence from children.  They do have eyes and ears that function as well as our own.  And the impact of domestic violence can have a lasting impact on their young lives forever and even carry over into their own relationships.


Looking back now as an adult, the effects domestic violence had on one of my best childhood friend, was everlasting.  My friend also had other siblings - three sisters and two brothers affected as well.  They lived with domestic violence for almost twelve years before their parents divorced, most of their childhood.  My friend (I'll refer to her as Jane), was the oldest of the siblings, and developed low self-esteem, began using various drugs, and lead a life of self-destruction.  I have not seen her in about 25 years, but I hear there is still disconnection with her entire family.  And her brother, who is still close to my family to this day, is a father himself now and has taken great strides to be everything his father was not.  He still has anger and resentment but has channeled it in a way to not disrupt his own family.  Domestic violence can rip through a family, shredding its every fiber.  There is no way to hide it indefinitely. 

The effects on children are not always visible. Children who are exposed to battering and screaming become fearful and anxious, always feeling on guard.  They sit and wait for the next event to occur.  There is a constant worry for themselves, their parents and other siblings. Many times children will keep the family secret, looking fine to the outside world while living in their own fear and chaos.  Domestic violence is a vicious cycle and trickles down to the youngest member of the family.  Remember...children have eyes and ears too.

Human Trafficking - Another Type of Violence Surrounds Us

Another type of violence lurks in our communities.  It is called human trafficking.  And just what is human trafficking?  It is a modern form of slavery where men, women and children are forced by traffickers and given to another person by payment.  By far, the most popular form of human trafficking is those sold into sexual slavery and mostly consist of younger adults and children.  Many are even taken from their own country and shipped abroad.  Traffickers, who are some of the lowest scum on Earth, trick and deceive their prey.  They coerce young adults and children by promising them a better life full of pleasure and meeting their every need, or they threaten to harm their families if they don't abide by their wishes.  Many traffickers go as far as abducting their victims.  And this very crime goes on in almost every community right under our noses.  It may not be easy to spot and is kept hidden as much as possible by those profiting from human trafficking.  We will delve into this subject more but here are some facts about human trafficking:

1. There are an estimated 27 million slaves in the world today. That’s the highest recorded number of slaves in history!

2. The average cost of a slave around the world is $90.

3. Human trafficking has been identified as the largest human rights violation in the history of mankind.

4. Human trafficking is the second largest criminal enterprise in the world, after drug smuggling and arms dealing.

5. The United States is one of the top three destination points for trafficked victims. California, New York, Texas and Nevada are the top destination states within the country.

6. According to estimates, approximately 80 percent of trafficking involves sexual exploitation, and 19 percent involves labor exploitation.

7. The average age of a young woman being trafficked is 12–14 years old.

8. Immigration agents estimate that 10,000 women are being held in Los Angeles’ underground brothels; this does not include the thousands of victims in domestic work, sweatshops or other informal industries.

9. An estimated 13 million children are enslaved around the world today, accounting for nearly half of trafficking victims in the world.

10. Trafficked children are significantly more likely to develop mental health problems, abuse substances, engage in prostitution as adults, and either commit or be victimized by violent crimes later in life.

Men Can Hurt Too. Right?

Normally, when we think of domestic violence, we think of the woman being the victim.  We were raised to feel that men are stronger and can defend themselves all on their own.  A man doesn't need anyone to feel for them. Right?

A couple days ago, I received a lengthy comment from a man on this blog.  He pointed out that he was a victim of abuse years and years ago.  Even my first thought was that it must have been mental abuse.  However, by the time I got to the end of his comment, it was clear to me it was physical and mental. After all, abuse is abuse, no matter the form it is in.  I am going to quote him - he said "my story is less accepted because I am a man."  And unfortunately, he is right.  It should not be that way, but domestic violence is looked at as a woman's issue many times more than as a man's issue.  Women are typically looked at as the weaker sex; men are supposed to be the protectors.  But in reality, we are all equal when it comes to the affects domestic violence can have on both sexes. However, men are often reluctant to report abuse by women because they feel embarrassed, or they fear they won't be believed, or worse, that police will assume that since they're male they are the perpetrator of the violence and not the victim.

Men who suffer domestic violence can only receive help if they break the silence. Not reporting domestic violence because of the stigma attached is the main reason that men currently receive few services, and one of the reasons that studies on the issue are so few. Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence. There is NO “typical victim.” Victims of domestic violence come from all walks of life, varying age groups, all backgrounds, all communities, all education levels, all economic levels, all cultures, all ethnicities, all religions, all abilities, and all lifestyles.

There is no excuse for domestic violence against any man or woman.  So we will keep up the fight against domestic violence.  And one day, hopefully, we will see it end...

How I Got to Know Domestic Violence

I first met domestic violence as a child, probably around seven or eight years of age.  It wasn't in my own home, it was a friend's home.  Jane (not her real name) was my age and we were friends since we were babies.  Our parents were best friends and they had even gone to the same high school.

To begin, my sister and I were staying over night at Jane and her sister's for a sleepover. We drank soda, ate chips, listened to music, and tried to stay up all night.  Of course, we rarely made it the whole night without falling asleep.  That morning we were awakened to loud screaming.  Jane's parents were having an argument, then Jane's father yelled at us to come downstairs and clean up the kitchen, saying we had left a huge mess and we should know better than that. I can't say I was scared when he was yelling at the top of his lungs, just more confused about all the ruckus going on.  Jane and I began washing and drying the dishes while our sisters cleaned the table and swept the floor.

Then out of the blue, Jane's father suddenly backhanded Jane across the face.  He said the dishes weren't clean enough.  I felt stunned, even though I didn't fear he would lay a hand on me.  Jane's sister started crying and he started cursing at her.  I glanced at my sister and I think she was afraid even though I wasn't certain at that time.  Jane's mother started yelling at her husband to stop and leave the kids alone, but it just made him more infuriated that she was trying to undermine his "so-called" discipline.  He then charged at Jane's mother, but she ran into the bathroom and quickly shut the door.  That didn't stop him - he just busted it down and went in after her.

I remember her screaming and crying.  I heard the sound of someone being slapped and the sound of the shower rod and curtain hitting the floor.  Then all of a sudden - silence.  A few minutes later Jane's mother came out of the bathroom with her eyes red and mussed up hair.  She acted like everything was fine now and prodded us along to finish up with the kitchen.  Even Jane and her sister went about cleaning the kitchen as if nothing happened.  I believe there was no reaction from Jane and her sister once the domestic violence ended is because they were accustomed to the regular occurrences.  However, my sister and I were not.  My sister and I never told our parents what had happened because we thought they would keep us from spending the night with our best friends in the future.

That was just the beginning of the things we saw and experienced in our friend's home.

Great Commercial on Domestic Violence

As we are all aware, there has been much news about domestic violence in the media the past year, especially in the world of sports.  Domestic violence is on the news, social media, and other forms of media consistently on a daily basis.  It is even present in video games and television programs.

However, I have to give praise to this commercial that will be airing during the Super Bowl this Sunday.  I watched it and I must say I first thought the commercial was a joke, but as it played on I ended up getting chills.  The lady on the other end of that phone was courageous and took the chance that her abuser would discover what she was really up to.  I have heard this commercial is actually based on someone's real life incident. If it is, I give her much kudos for taking such a risky chance to free herself from the awful bonds of domestic violence.

Here is the link to view the commercial - http://fox2now.com/2015/01/29/nfl-to-air-first-super-bowl-commercial-addressing-domestic-violence-sexual-assault-2/

Anyone who has been in a domestic abuse situation will almost certainly reach a bottom, and then comes the instinct of survival.  Take charge of your life, heal yourself, and make your life the best it can be.

Why Do We Stay?

Exactly...why do we stay?
One of the most common reasons is the children.  Women tend to want to keep the family together at all costs, even at the expense of our own suffering.  For most, it can take quite a long time to realize that the situation we have been living in will never change, but only get worse.  We want to teach our children that families stay together through thick and thin, not bail out at the first sign of trouble. Also, we want our children to have a father in their lives.  All the stories about broken homes and the ill effects it has on children can be daunting and to think of our own children in such turmoil is a sure deterrent to keep us in the abusive household.  But in return, we are doing that...showing them a life of turmoil and abuse.  The mind's of young children are impressionable, and they learn what they see.
Another reason we stay is financial.  Often times, a woman in an abusive relationship is controlled.  She may not have a job or feel she does not have the skills to support herself and the children by herself.  That's when a support system is extremely important.  If at all possible, work with family members and friends to come up with a plan to watch the children if necessary while working or attending school.  Network with other single parents to trade off watching each others children.  You would be amazed at the help everyone needs and building yourself a reliable support network is well worth it.  Heck, you may even make some new great friends in the process.

Staying is the easy solution, Leaving may be the hardest decision you will ever make.  But if you are in an abusive relationship and you can imagine your life in a brilliant way, it is time to start planning and building that network of support.  Those thoughts of a better life are there for a reason and they are pushing you ever so gently to make that change.